Jamie, time to get going. Let's put your shoes on.
Wonder what's gotten into him.
I have no idea.
Now pay attention, I'm only going to show this to you
one more time.
The rabbit comes out of his hole, and runs around the tree.
But he won't stop laughing at you.
So you grab him by the tail and it rips off in your hand.
You follow the trail of blood back to his hole.
And then you reach in, pull the rabbit out
and then you strangle him!
And then you're ready to walk around.
What do you say, Reese?
You want to take the new boat out this afternoon?
Maiden voyage. Just you and me.
Father and son slicing through the waves
wind in our hair. And look.
I re-did the aft bathroom.
Sorry, Dad, I start my new job today.
Oh, come on!
You don't actually do any work the first day.
You're just filling out forms and deciding on a nemesis.
Did you know how hard it was to get this job?
Everywhere else I applied called my references.
Thank God, telemarketing has no standards.
Basically, I get to harass old people and shut-ins all day.
I'm getting paid to do what I love.
- Picture this, Dewey.. - Not gonna happen.
Give me one good reason.
You're forcing me to say exactly why I don't want to do this
and it's not going to make you happy
and it's not going to make me happy.
So, why don't we just leave it alone?
How 'bout it, Malcolm?
You're gonna be out of the house soon.
This could be our last chance
to spend some quality together time.
I can't, Dad.
You know it was Stevie's big surgery yesterday.
They just moved him out of intensive care
- and I really want to go visit him. - Damn!
See you tonight!
Mom, did you remember to buy
the baking soda for my class project?
- I forgot. - What?
I asked you like five times.
That I remember.
My science partner's going to hate me.
I was supposed to bring in the baking soda for a volcano.
Now it's just going to be a mountain full of vinegar.
Just do what your brother did.
Take baby powder and blame the guy
who brought the vinegar.
I'm glad you changed your mind and decided to join me.
It's nice to know that at least one of my sons isn't too busy
to spend a little time with the old man.
Oh, here, look.
The deck is real teak.
There's even a working foghorn. Listen.
Easy, it's not a toy.
- You're sitting on my bench. - What?
That's my bench.
I don't think anybody owns the benches, young man.
I'm sure you can find another one.
I don't want to find another one.
I always sit here.
Jamie, I'll handle this.
Kid, I didn't see you wiping off the pigeon poop
with your son's blankie.
I've earned this bench, so, take a hike.
Okay, let's set her out there and aim for the horizon.
She's in God's hands now.
Well, in mine.
Steady.
Steady as she goes.
Look at her. She is yar.
Are you crazy? What do you think you're doing?
I think I'm sinking your boat!
Ma'am, anyone who enjoys breathing
will benefit from the new Ionator 5150
This amazing all natural purifier has been proven to remove..
...63% of all airborne pathogens including asbestos..
...cigarette smoke and Taiwanese dust mites.
If you order now, we guarantee..
...you'll probably be dead by morning.
But you're right, buddy, your life's not worth 50 bucks
so please let me off the phone
so I can start saving people who want to live.
All right, fine, I'll put you down for two
but next time, don't jerk me around.
How's everything going over here?
People are so stupid, they'll believe anything.
I threw the fact sheet out the window
and just started making stuff up.
No problem. I made up the fact sheet.
Six sales in 20 minutes. You're a natural.
Keep this up and you got a good shot
- at winning the sales contest. - What contest?
We're tallying total sales over on the big board.
First prize is a flat-screen TV.
Second prize is a barbecue grill
third prize is one of our air purifiers.
But believe me, you don't want that.
Keep up the good work.
Hello, I'm calling from Air Scrub Air Filters.
No, no, no, don't put mommy on the phone.
Just get her credit card.
- How was Stevie? - I didn't get to see him.
You left for the hospital over three hours ago.
I tried taking the express bus
but somehow I ended up on a shuttle to the airport.
Seriously, they need to label those things better.
They're bright red
and say "airport shuttle" on the side.
We drove right past the hospital
but the stupid driver wouldn't let me out.
When did people stop caring?
Calm down, Malcolm. It's no big deal.
- You can go tomorrow. - Yeah, if the buses will let me.
Hey, sweetie, how was your day?
I love this new job.
If you claim to be a doctor on the phone
no one questions it, not even other doctors.
All right, would someone care to explain something to me?
What?
Why is this sleeve slightly shorter than this sleeve?
Maybe one of your arms is getting longer.
They're not. I measured them.
- That's crazy. - Oh, you'd like me to think so
but I know someone has been messing with my stuff.
The mirrors on my car are askew
my toothbrush is wet, and the lint trap in the dryer
which I emptied this morning is now magically full of lint.
Should you even be doing laundry in this condition?
I want to know who's responsible and I want to know now.
Mom, why would we do any of that to you?
Yeah, Mom, why would we?
Excuse me, what room is Stevie Kenarban in?
Let me check.
He's in room 220 right up the elevator.
Thank you.
I was going to come visit yesterday morning
but I had this giant hole in my lunch bag
and everything just spilled out.
My tuna sandwich was fine
but my orange started rolling down this hill
and by the time I caught up with it
I was late for school.
It, it's still room 220.
Where would it be possible to find a gift?
I would try the gift shop.
- Good idea. Thanks. - You're welcome.
Can I help you find something?
Yeah, do you have any cards that don't say "Get well"?
This is a hospital.
Usually, we're rooting for the patient.
I get it. It's just that all these cards are just really generic.
And this is for my best friend, so I need something special.
How about flowers?
I'm not asking him to marry me.
This bear's pretty popular.
Let's see.
He's allergic to the fur, the stuffing, the plastic eyes.
And what's this tag made out of?
Okay, let's go with the hula guy.
- You're sure? - Definitely.
So we've narrowed it down to 10 possibilities.
Let's go over the pros and cons one more time. - 'Attention.'
'It is now 9 o'clock. Visiting hours are over.'
What?
I can't believe you let this happen!
Reese is sales machine.
If he keeps up this pace, he's going to win the whole thing.
Don't worry.
I gave him the list of people that told us to go to hell.
Listen, we wouldn't be calling again
if it wasn't an emergency.
The utility company's informed us
that there's an alarming amount of graydon in your home.
Now, your family's been chosen to survive
but your neighbors aren't going to be so lucky.
Look, don't buy it from Air Scrub.
Buy it from one of our competitors.
I gave you the number, but for the love of God, hurry!
Happy Air, how may I help you?
And there isn't any kind of construction or quarantines.
You're not planning on moving the hospital
before I can get there?
Fine. Go take care of your precious bus crash.
I want to make sure I cover all my bases.
I got the directions, I got a gift, his favorite cookies.
This time there's nothing that can stop me
from visiting Stevie.
There are very few things in this world
- as valuable as friendship. - Damn.
What's wrong, Dad?
Nothing, I just put the battery in backwards.
Oh, God. Why now? I can't leave him like this.
I'm here for you, Dad.
I think I can handle it, Malcolm.
I just need to get a little water out of the hull.
How'd that happen?
It's nothing. Just some punk kid swamped me.
And you're just gonna let them get away with that?
It's no big deal.
I'll just go to another part of the lake.
Why? So he can sink you there, too?
You've to fight back.
What did you always teach me about standing up for myself?
I can't beat up a 10 year old.
I suppose I could hold him down while you hit him.
No, Dad. Let's beat him on the water.
With just a few modifications, we can make this boat unstoppable.
We can modify the propeller for more thrust
and put a titanium tip on the prow.
We'll slice his boat in half!
- We can really do all that? - Absolutely.
Could we put a little skipper on the deck?
I don't see why not.
Oh, Malcolm, it's times like these
I'm certain you weren't switched at birth.
Thanks, Dad.
Now come on. We got a lot of work to do.
Cookie?
Oh, thank you.
Gotcha!
Sorry, Hal, I thought you were someone else.
What are you doing?
How long have you been in there?
- Just a few hours. - A few hours?
- What's going on? - I don't know, Hal.
I think one of the boys is screwing with me.
My bookmark was on the wrong page.
I found a loose thread on my smock.
The car radio was tuned to a station
next to the one that I always listen to.
Oh, my God, I sound insane, don't I?
Honey, what you need is to take a step back
clear your head.
You know what helps me?
Working with Malcolm to weaponize my boat.
I understand you're very upset
but if you would just let me get a word in.
I know I'm the new guy, but you've been on the phone
for a half hour and you haven't closed this deal?
Always Be Selling.
I can't interrupt him when he's in the middle of..
Hey, this isn't tele-listening. Give me the phone.
I'll show you how to churn butter.
All right, Gabby
we have better things to do than talk to you all day.
Now, give me one reason why you don't need an air purifier.
'I'm going to kill myself.'
Nice try. I use that excuse all the time.
'No, I'm serious.'
'I just feel like I can't go on.'
'I'm clinically depressed.'
'My cat died because it was allergic to me.'
'My wife ran off with my brother, Ted'
'and then my family's on his side.'
- 'Then I'm not allow..' - Get the manual!
All right, Dewey, I know what's going on.
I know it's you.
If it were Reese, he'd be bragging to everyone about it.
Malcolm doesn't have the patience.
So, that leaves you, Dewey.
If I had any proof, we'd be having this conversation
while I was walling you up inside your bedroom closet.
This is about the volcano, isn't it?
All right, I acknowledge
that perhaps I was a little inconsiderate of your needs
but that in no way justifies these petty attacks.
Still, we have to move on.
So, here's the deal.
In the future, I promise to be more attentive
and aware of your feelings
not that being the loving mother I am
I wouldn't be doing that anyway.
Anyway, Dewey, you will promise to stop this stupid campaign
to drive me crazy.
Just give me a little sign that we understand each other.
Good.
Just be cool, Malcolm. As far as anyone knows
we're just a normal father and son who love each other.
Stay calm. There's a woman with a stroller.
Wave with me so it looks natural.
Good, she's buying it. Arms down.
No one suspects a thing.
Steer clear of those ducks.
We'll deal with them later.
I hope this kid shows up soon.
I was planning on visiting Stevie today.
You just saw him yesterday, didn't you?
Not exactly.
But you did see him over the weekend, right?
No.
Wait.
How many times have you seen Stevie?
If you add them all up
none.
None?
Malcolm, I can't believe what I'm hearing.
Your best friend is in the hospital
and you're here helping me stalk a 10 year old.
I'm trying, but visiting someone in the hospital
isn't as easy as you might think.
Malcolm, don't you see what you're doing?
You're just avoiding an unpleasant situation.
I know.
It's just that Stevie and I have never really talked
seriously about his illnesses.
We've kind of had this unspoken agreement that
he was just a regular kid.
If I had to see him lying in his hospital bed
hooked up to God knows what
it's kind of hard to pretend like nothing's wrong.
I just don't know what to say.
Son, don't think about it.
Sometimes all you have to say is "hello.
That's a great way to put it.
So simple.
I got it off that bus bench over there.
It's an ad for a long-distance company.
You get yourself down to that hospital
and show Stevie that you give a damn.
- Thanks, Dad. - Yeah. All right.
It's high noon somewhere.
Not this time.
Oh, no! What am I ever going to do?
What about this?
Say "hello" to my little friend!
Hey, you broke my boat!
It's that kind of party, little man.
That was my grand-dad's boat.
He gave it to me before he died.
He started it.
'There just doesn't seem like there's any reason to go on living.'
'I'm overweight, I-I don't have any friends.'
'I just..'
'Look.. Look, this is pointless.'
'I'm just gonna hang up, no one cares about me.'
Listen, Lyle, I'm as lost as you are.
I mean, I may not even graduate high school.
I'm completely broke.
If I disappeared, who would notice?
But now I've got a purpose.
Maybe you and I were meant to talk today.
'You mean like, like fate?'
Exactly.
Maybe life is like a roller coaster
and you only go down so you can fun coming back up.
'Maybe.'
'Well, I.. I actually feel a little better.'
Now, this is what I want you to do.
I want you to walk into the bathroom
and I want to hear you flush those pills down the toilet.
'They're gone.'
'I did it.'
- Good job. - 'I don't know what to say'
'but thank you, Reese. Thank you.'
Don't thank me, Lyle. This was all you.
You should feel good about yourself for what you did today.
You should treat yourself to something really nice.
Why don't you take out your credit card
and buy a dozen air purifiers.
'Well, that-that sounds a little expensive.'
I just saved your life and now you're questioning me?
'Look, I'm, I'm sorry. I was just..'
Every minute I'm talking to you, the price is going up!
I want those numbers now, do you hear me?
- 'Let me find my wallet.' - Just give him the damn TV.
Look who's in the hospital.
Stevie Kenarban. What a surprise.
Well, if you think I came down here to feel sorry for you
you've got another think coming.
'Cause I didn't feel sorry for you when they bolted your spine
or you got that mold on your brain
and I'm not going to feel sorry for you now.
Glad you didn't die.
See you when you get out.
Oh, and here's your cookie.
I told you he'd come.